Very few people qualify for permanent alimony any more. In the 1950s, it seems that permanent alimony was the standard, and unfortunately, movies such as “the Odd Couple”, gave us the impression that this is how divorce is, and should be, handled. That getting a man down the aisle and saying “I do” was like winning the lottery for a woman. That she would, forever after, be entitled to have him support her “in the style to which she has become accustomed”.
If you are separating or divorcing in the 21st century, wipe those thoughts out of your vocabulary. In the 1950s, women had been bumped out of the workforce by men returning from WWII. Men ruled the roost and “the little lady” (a), could not get good employment outside of the home and (b), was given an allowance by her husband to use to keep the household running. Men did not lift a finger to diaper the children, were banned from the delivery room, even, and basically did not show up in their children’s lives except to cheer them on at little league or other special events. In a divorce, the women always got the children, and without the assistance of the father to raise the children, they were not expected to “go back to” work. There was no “back” to get to, back then.
Someone, in some movie, decided that “the style to which she has become accustomed” was the standard that the man had to provide for the woman. While this may be one factor used in determining what amount to award in alimony cases, the reality is that one cannot take one income, split it in two, and manage to keep EITHER party in the style to which it has become accustomed if the other party is to have any possibility of living, themselves. Many other factors come into play as well. That held true in the 1940s and 50s, and is more true now, as people have been living beyond their means in the first place, and are divorcing with tons of debts outstanding.
In the 60 years since the times where alimony to a woman was expected, we worked hard to get more opportunity for women in the workforce. Men worked just as hard to become more a part of their children’s lives. There has been a change in the way divorce is handled as well. Even if you chose a traditional family constellation for your household, a woman still has more opportunity than her mother/grandmother. And even for the husband working full time while supporting a stay-at-home wife, he probably still changes more diapers, does more homework with, and handles more issues about raising the kids more his father and grandfather before him. Each new generation brings new opportunities. And divorces have changed to reflect these opportunities.
No one will tell a loving couple whether or not they are allowed to choose to have either family member stay home and not earn money, so long as they are living within their means and not asking the court to mediate their differences, but where a couple has separated and one of them asks for the court to order their partner to help maintain the family, the choices to keep one of them unemployed are reviewed and may require change. Some general principles have emerged as part of this, but the rules are constantly changing. No one can look at what happened in their friend’s case, or look up the rules on the internet, and expect them to stay the same. In general, as time progresses, it seems the Courts are less paternalistic… there is less coddling of women. Women are less likely to be able to claim total dependency. Judges are less willing to believe that women are incompetent and incapable of fending for themselves in the working world. And the courts are giving more respect to the position of “father”, as being an important and valuable one to enforce.
What remains in this new way of thinking, is that many families who worked well together, made some decisions that would cause one or the other’s career to falter, so the courts are left with trying to figure out how to solve this so that the one with the faltering career can get back on their feet after a divorce. The money that is needed for this is often called “rehabilitative” alimony (or spousal support). This is money that is given for a temporary period, expected to help the receiving spouse rehabilitate their career prospects after years away from the workforce. It may include money for education, licensing, or to tide the receiving spouse over while working their way up the ladder at the office. It may help with relocation expenses or finance a startup of a new business or company. It almost always has a time limitation, and is usually between 1/3 to 1/2 of the length of the marriage, to be ended entirely if the former spouse remarries.
To prepare for the new world of single-hood where the only alimony available will be temporary, or “rehabilitative”, a woman should do a little research. The Courts want to help a receiving spouse get up to speed in her career, but do not intend to let her lounge around and procrastinate. They will not accept it if you have remained naïve about finances and career issues once a divorce was imminent. By the time you get to trial, you need a plan, because if you have not figured out what you need, they will possibly give you less than you need.
Stay tuned to this blog for a post on how to prepare when you need to ask for alimony.
No comments:
Post a Comment